Ten Tips for Building Positive Family Relationships

By: Mark Sichel, LCSW

1. Zip it. Do not respond in anger or fear to a family member. Keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself as you think about the most harmonious and helpful way to deal with your relative.

2. Listen and do not argue. Hear what your family member is saying and feeling. Feelings are feelings…they are never right or wrong and sometimes people just need their family members to listen and to let them know they are being understood.

3. Keep good boundaries and make sure not to violate your family member’s personal space. Give space when your relative needs space.

4.Promise yourself that you will stay in the driver’s seat and remain in control of your emotions.

5.Use the principle of “what you see is what you get:” with your family, because you cannot change them; you can only change your reactions and responses to them.

6.Focus on building up rather than tearing down your relative. Focus on their positives and ignore their negatives.

7.Put yourself in your family member’s shoes and try to empathize about what they must feel.

8.Don’t dredge up old battles and try to change the past. You cannot. You can, however, focus on making the present and future positive.

9.Build shared experiences with your family member that are positive, fun, life affirming and will serve as building blocks to a good relationship.

10.Get support and help from other family members, self help groups, therapy, or whatever and wherever you find it, give yourself the support you need to make this relationship different than in the past and create a bond that will serve you well in building family.

Copyright © 2004 Mark Sichel

About the Author: Mark Sichel is a psychotherapist, consultant, and speaker on a broad range of issues related to family, mental health, and interpersonal problems. He is the editor and principal author of the award winning self-help website, www.psybersquare.com. For a more detailed guide to overcoming a dysfunctional family, read Mark Sichel’s book, Healing From Family Rifts: Ten Steps to Finding Peace After Being Cut Off From a Family (Mc-Graw-Hill, 2004). For more information about this book visit the author’s website: www.marksichel.com