The Complete Woman – TOP TEN: Top Ten Signs You Could Be an Internet Junkie

10. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

9. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

8. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment.

7. You don’t know what sex three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

6. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

5. You start using smileys in your snail mail.

4. You check your email. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.

3. Your cat has its own home page.

2. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

And, the number one sign you could be an Internet Junkie is…..

1. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

The Complete Woman – TOP TEN: Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve …

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, “I can do better than that.”

Humor for Women – PMS

By: Laura Browne

Once a month, the people around me get really stupid and obnoxious. Some people might think that’s PMS. I just think that I tend to be more observant than normal a few days out of the month. (I’m certainly more aware of how really annoying my husband can be.)

A few of my friends think of PMS as something negative. On the contrary, I see it as a chance to take charge. I’m normally an easy-going person but when I have PMS, I turn into Super PMS Woman. I feel I must right all wrongs, no matter how trivial. I imagine I go into a phone booth like Superman to change into my Super PMS Woman outfit. (No leotards and tights though I’m retaining a lot of water and I feel rather puffy.) Then Im ready to take on the injustices of the world, whether they exist or not. And believe me, when I have PMS, I can find plenty of injustices to complain about.

Normally, a mild-mannered mom, Super PMS Woman gets cranky faster than a speeding bullet, argues with friends and family more powerfully than a locomotive and is able to jump to conclusions in a single bound.

I know that if I wait until that certain week of the month Ill have that extra bit of, lets just say energy, to deal with incompetence. So when I need to fight with my insurance company about their most recent mess-up or when I have to call and complain to the catalog company that they sent the wrong order again, I wait until I have PMS. Why should I only share it with my friends and family?

That’s only one of the many positives of PMS. Really. Think about it, once a month, I have a built in excuse to be crabby. If I feel like eating a whole container of cookie dough ice cream or even raw cookie dough, I can do it without having to answer any questions. If my husband opens his mouth, I just snarl at him and point to the calendar and he gets the hint. As a matter of fact, he sometimes leaves skid marks as he runs out of the room to safety.

And cramps are a great way to get out of doing work. My husband thinks that I can still do housework when I’m running a 102 degree fever but cramps are a mysterious disease that make it impossible for me to do anything. Last month cramps got me out of going to a kids birthday party. Okay, okay, the cramps weren’t that bad but I didn’t want my husband to miss the fun of yet another princess fairy butterfly party.

And then there’s the intense craving for chocolate. Its true, I always have a craving for chocolate, however, it definitely gets worse when I have PMS. I’m prone to throwing open the cupboards while loudly accusing my family members of eating the last bits of candy left over from Valentines Day.

My friends tell me that the craving for chocolate I feel is psychological. It has nothing to do with PMS. And I tell them, Hey, get your grubby hands off my chocolate bar and you wont get hurt

So if you see me in my Super PMS Woman cape, just do what my husband does: give me some chocolate and back away slowly. Don’t worry, Ill change back to my mild-mannered self soon.

Laura Browne is the author of a serious but practical & easy-to-use book for women, Why Cant You Communicate Like Me? How Smart Women Get Results At Work available at Barnes & Noble online, www.bn.com Laura offers free teleconferences on How To Deal With Difficult People At Work. For more information, email her at laura4b@earthlink.net or go to http://www.inyourfaceink.com

When Laura isnt writing, she helps women be more successful through WOMEN Unlimited, a nationally recognized resource for cultivating leadership excellence, http://www.women-unlimited.com

(This article was originally printed in Cranberry Magazine.)

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Laura_Browne

Funny Bone: The Power of Woman

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

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